What Being Bi Means to Me

It hasn’t been an easy journey, but I can handle it.

No, I am not on my way to fully gay.
No, I don’t stop being bi when I’m with a partner of the same gender.
No, I am not experimenting.
No, I’m not going to tell you how many people I’ve slept with.

Bisexuality is different for every individual and I know that, but there is a lot of expired information out there. When I say I’m bisexual, what I mean is that I can be attracted to genders similar to my own and genders that differ. It’s not exactly as black and white as deciding between men and women. I don’t feel that what someone has between their legs is important when it comes to falling in love. It’s about their soul, their eyes, what their passionate about and if they make me laugh. Their gender is the last thing on my mind. I am comfortable within myself to be honest and open about my sexuality, but it wasn’t always this way. There have been times that I’ve been afraid of what people might think or say. I’m even still shocked at how sharing my sexuality can be seen as an invitation for conversations about what goes on in my bedroom. And I’m sure a lot of people like me can relate to unlearning internalsied biphobia, that was the biggest rollercoaster.

I wanted to write this post because as I’ve grown into my identity, the most important thing along the way was having allies that could speak up against bi-phobic remarks. Using your privlage to stand up for minorities is not a new concept, but it is still necessary when it comes to lgbt+ issues.

I didn’t even realise it was pride month until my best friend texted me to say happy pride. To this day, I still struggle to see bisexual representation within the lgbtqia+ community, and there are so many stereotypes that keep me from feeling included. I know the people around me don’t have cruel intentions when they ask me things like “If you had to pick one tho??”, but what hurts the most is when these generalisations come from within this community. Such as gold star lesbians who wont be with a bi woman as they are “unpure” by the hand of men, and the expectation that if I don’t marry a woman I was faking it! Don’t even get me started with the film industries fear of labelling someone as bisexual… (Pitch Perfect I’m looking at you). This is a topic for another day, but I think labels are important when it comes to representation and awareness.

The bottom line is that bisexuality is still so misunderstood in mainstream media AND within the LGBTQIA+ community. I not only want to invite more conversations about it, but I want to be an ally for my fellow bi’s. Those of you who are still trying to figure it out and are not yet ready to have these conversations, I am here! I can handle the hard questions and I am strong enough to keep being me no matter what people might think.

For anyone wanting to be an ally, do your research, listen and EDUCATE yourself!!
Don’t assume that all bisexual people are the same, as not everyone wants to sit there and educate you about their experience. Some people just want to enjoy their queer life. And yes, some of us do prefer men over women or vise versa. If you are genuine about getting to know us and don’t just want to find out if we’ve slept with the same sex, we are usually pretty happy to talk haha.

I hope this has been an interesting read to say the least, and I hope you have learnt a thing or two. And I’m sorry lesbians I love you, but y’all can be judgemental sometimes haha!
Lily R.